Query Letter Tips - Part 2 - The Details

e enthusiastic but not too enthusiastic

You want to come across as a hard worker and eager to prove yourself. But you don’t want to come off as desperate. Or worse, crazy. Don’t list your quote for the option price or tell us you will move to Los Angeles with one phone call. Tell us why we should be enthusiastic about you and the idea. List your top accomplishments but don’t send a resume or tell us about an award you won ten years ago. We just need the basics so tell us why you are the best person to have written this script (i.e. what about your background or experiences lends authenticity to the story). We know that if we like the script we can get on the phone with you or meet with you.

So instead of saying I can be available at any time for a meeting or a call, or I can send you the script at a moments notice end with a very succinct “Thank you for taking the time to consider this idea. I think it could be a wonderful match.” And hopefully it is and we wont need you to tell us to call you because your idea is just so good we have to call you immediately! Let the idea do the talking.

Don’t Be Vague
Don’t Give too Little of the script (but then again don’t give too much). I’ve talked to many writers who think the best way to get our attention is to be as vague as possible so we will want to know more. This includes writing a logline that tells us nothing about the story. For example “In the future a man decides he will invent machines to take over all the manual labor in the world” does not tell us why this is a movie. This is just a statement. But “in the future, a deranged inventor automates all manual labor with robots, only to have the machines turn against humanity as part of his larger plan to take over the world. The only person who can save the world is a garbageman from the Bronx who picked the robot schematics out of the trash.” While this doesn’t sound like the greatest movie, it tells us what the stakes are and who our main characters are. And we know what type of movie we are dealing with.

Also when you give us vague information, it communicate that maybe you don’t have the story or script figured out yet. I once got a letter that gave some brief information about the idea and then the writer said I would have to read the script if I wanted to find out the twist at the end. This is not how you should get an executive’s attention. Your logline should give me enough of a hook to want to read the script—not the promise of something good if I do read it.

Do Be Brief
On the flip side, don’t submit a treatment or a synopsis longer than a paragraph as you just want to give us enough to want to read the script. If you really feel like a logline won’t cover what you want to communicate then you can provide additional details on what inspired you (see next tip for more on this) or include an argument for why this is unlike anything we have ever read.

Give us a reason to read it
Just the synopsis will not normally get an exec to consider reading a script. So you need to tell us why we are making a grave mistake passing on an opportunity to do so. What makes your idea unique? You may think that the logline alone will communicate this but you need to beat us over the head with it.

For example, is the script a modern twist on a classic? Did you just win first place in a screenwriting contest for the script? Or maybe you have a personal connection to the subject matter. For example, maybe you want us to read a thriller that revolves around the Yakuza in Tokyo. This sounds cool but then don’t forget to tell us you also spent a year teaching English in Tokyo and had a few run ins with these gangs. Again, this can also be as simple as the idea is based on a true story. Many times even if an idea doesn’t hook us immediately, an additional piece of information like this will catch our attention and make us give the idea a second look. 

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